One day after President Bush left office, Texas realized that its claim on being the preeminent source of “teh stupid” for America was in jeopardy. Luckily they had a plan to make sure that anytime people the world over thought of Texas they would naturally think of inbred religious dullards like their favorite native son* George Bush.
Today it was reported in the NY Times that the Texas State Board of Education, with the strong support of Republican Governor Rick Perry, is once again debating the relative merits of evolution versus the Biblical version of creation. Textbook publishers are being forced by the board to include phrases that sow artificial doubt about the scientific validity of evolution and implicitly lend support for the Biblical version of creation.
You just know that when the Texas chairman of the board of education is a dentist who thinks that the Earth is only a few thousand years old that Texas has a pretty strong chance of retaining the title.
Scientific obfuscation and Biblical nonsense expert Stephen C. Meyer of the Discovery Institute disingenuously ignores the 150 years worth of accumulative corroborating evidence that has confirmed Evolution and insists that he’s only advocating the promotion of “dissenting opinions”. This blatant lie of course caused God to clap thunder outside as soon as the words were uttered, but Mr. Meyer was too impressed with the scent of his own bullshit to notice.
With perfect timing a mechanical engineer from Houston then stepped up, with his teenage son drooling by his side, and said (and I’m not making this up) “Textbooks today treat [Evolution] as more than a theory, even though its evidence has been found to be stained with half-truths, deception and hoaxes. Darwinian evolution is not a proven fact.”
And with that Texas noticeably relaxed knowing that their reputation was secure and that regardless how the textbook challenge was resolved the world would always view them as the most ignorant fucksticks in America.
* Of course Bush isn’t really from Texas but they’re not letting that inconvenient fact get in the way of a good yarn. If you choose to mention this fact to a Texan please be sure that he is already wearing his helmet.