My Family Recipe For Bible Bacon!

4 03 2009

So after perusing the Constitution and reflecting on the First Amendment and what a wonderful thing freedom of speech is…I turned to my Bible. Wouldn’t you know it, but my family recipe for Bacon was bookmarking a rather ironic pearl of divine wisdom.

“Nevertheless these ye shall not eat of them that chew the cud, or of them that divide the cloven hoof; as the camel, and the hare, and the coney: for they chew the cud, but divide not the hoof; therefore they are unclean unto you.

And the swine, because it divideth the hoof, yet cheweth not the cud, it is unclean unto you: ye shall not eat of their flesh, nor touch their dead carcase.”  -Deuteronomy 14:7-8.

Oh hell yeah…they’re talking about BACON!  I f’ing LOVE bacon!  But after a recent paper drive I’m fresh out of newsprint to sop up all that fresh hot bacon grease. God always rewards those who overcome and can improvise in a pinch, so…

p1040537-medium

A match made in heaven

p1040538-medium

Of course it magically opened to Deuteronomy 14!

p1040542-medium1

Mmmmm, you can just smell that crispy pork goodness.

Who knew the Bible could hold so much bacon at once?

Who knew the Bible could hold so much bacon at once?

But is the word of God strong AND absorbant?

But is the word of God strong AND absorbent?

Bible by Bounty

Gospel...The Quicker Picker Upper!

Bible Bacon for the WIN!

Bible Bacon for the WIN!

God was with me and he made sure that the book of Deuteronomy was there for me when I needed it the most.  Alas, the face of Mary did not grace the toast of my BLT but there was a greasy stain that kinda reminded me of Charles Darwin.  Weird huh?

Stay tuned and maybe next time we can read a passage or two from Genesis 38:9!

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Or to put it more succinctly

As heartfelt a gesture as I've ever extended to another human being

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A Christmas Sermon

21 12 2008

“The good part of Christmas is not always Christian–it is generally Pagan; that is to say, human, natural.

Christianity did not come with tidings of great joy, but with a message of eternal grief. It came with the threat of everlasting torture on its lips. It meant war on earth and perdition hereafter.

It taught some good things–the beauty of love and kindness in man. But as a torch-bearer, as a bringer of joy, it has been a failure. It has given infinite consequences to the acts of finite beings, crushing the soul with a responsibility too great for mortals to bear. It has filled the future with fear and flame, and made God the keeper of an eternal penitentiary, destined to be the home of nearly all the sons of men. Not satisfied with that, it has deprived God of the pardoning power.

And yet it may have done some good by borrowing from the Pagan world the old festival called Christmas.

Long before Christ was born the Sun-God triumphed over the powers of Darkness. About the time that we call Christmas the days begin perceptibly to lengthen. Our barbarian ancestors were worshippers of the sun, and they celebrated his victory over the hosts of night. Such a festival was natural and beautiful. The most natural of all religions is the worship of the sun. Christianity adopted this festival. It borrowed from the Pagans the best it has.”

…Christmas is a good day to forgive and forget–a good day to throw away prejudices and hatreds–a good day to fill your heart and your house, and the hearts and houses of others, with sunshine.”

Robert G. Ingersoll (1833-1899), “A Christmas Sermon,” Evening Telegram, Dec. 19, 1891