I Guess The Pope Needed Help With His Yule Log

15 12 2010

Some things just defy reason.  To wit, here’s how the Pope apparently likes to celebrate Christmas.

Please comment freely, I’m just too baffled to find anything that could make this any funnier .

The Dog House

22 12 2008

As a recovering “dual bag” myself I can only share the sage advice this video offers. The wise will heed the warning.

Happy Winter Solstice

A Christmas Sermon

21 12 2008

“The good part of Christmas is not always Christian–it is generally Pagan; that is to say, human, natural.

Christianity did not come with tidings of great joy, but with a message of eternal grief. It came with the threat of everlasting torture on its lips. It meant war on earth and perdition hereafter.

It taught some good things–the beauty of love and kindness in man. But as a torch-bearer, as a bringer of joy, it has been a failure. It has given infinite consequences to the acts of finite beings, crushing the soul with a responsibility too great for mortals to bear. It has filled the future with fear and flame, and made God the keeper of an eternal penitentiary, destined to be the home of nearly all the sons of men. Not satisfied with that, it has deprived God of the pardoning power.

And yet it may have done some good by borrowing from the Pagan world the old festival called Christmas.

Long before Christ was born the Sun-God triumphed over the powers of Darkness. About the time that we call Christmas the days begin perceptibly to lengthen. Our barbarian ancestors were worshippers of the sun, and they celebrated his victory over the hosts of night. Such a festival was natural and beautiful. The most natural of all religions is the worship of the sun. Christianity adopted this festival. It borrowed from the Pagans the best it has.”

…Christmas is a good day to forgive and forget–a good day to throw away prejudices and hatreds–a good day to fill your heart and your house, and the hearts and houses of others, with sunshine.”

Robert G. Ingersoll (1833-1899), “A Christmas Sermon,” Evening Telegram, Dec. 19, 1891

War On Christmas? Whatever.

18 12 2008

“Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech”

Right.  So when there is a religious display in a state building they must allow others with different religious ideas to have a display too.  That’s not so tough is it?

If you don’t want another viewpoint next to your manger scene then put it up in front of your church and not on government property!  If you insist on installing depictions of your fairy tales on public property then expect to have it mocked by everyone who doesn’t believe your particular flavor of crazy.

How tedious.  It’s not a war on Christmas, it’s a war on ignorant people who don’t remember that the very first sentence of the Bill of Rights explains quite clearly that the USA is NOT a Christian nation.

Yes you festering Fox news Massengill dumpsters, I’m talking to you.

What I Want For Christmas!

4 12 2008

Tasteless yet Tasty all at the same time.

Sweet fetus goodness

Sweet fetus goodness

Talk about sweet baby Jesus!  Get the afterbirth colored frosting and some sprinkles and we have a party!!

Movie Review: The Holiday

25 04 2008

It was our one year anniversary and I decided to offer romantic gifts. Since I’m not one for the typical romantic comedy there was one gift that was a standout…a DVD of “The Holiday“.  We watched the movie, but looking at the other reviews we were apparently less impressed than the typical Amazon customer. Today Amazon dropped me a note asking for a review of my purchases and I couldn’t help but want to leave one for this “lovable love story with all the Christmas trimmings”. Below is that review.

Imagine Ten Year Old Moldy Fruitcake…And You’re Almost There

I deserve a medal because I watched it all. After a terrible beginning that only set up my complete lack of concern for the main characters I couldn’t help but finish it just to satisfy my compulsive rubbernecking at such an appalling train wreck of cinema.

The only interesting thing Cameron Diaz has ever done on film was to smear ejaculate in her hair, so it comes as no surprise that this film only serves to further confirm that she cannot act to save her pouting excuse for a life.

Jack Black on the other hand serves as the nexus of insult and injury for this celluloid tragedy. Given his past offbeat brilliance in delivering movie stealing performances in other films it’s difficult to imagine dialog so flat and lifeless that he cannot wring one crumb of comic pungency from it. This unfortunately even rendered the over the top Black crippled under such hapless writing and directing.

Kate Winslet was apparently also in the movie (the box tells me so) but her performance was so transparent as to render her lost into the corner of my memory vacuum that is usually reserved for things like VCR user manuals and anniversary dates. I’m sure she could have been great but I can’t quite recall.

Then there is Jude Law, the one shining star in this galaxy of craptasticness. His performance was sufferable given the unspeakable playscript he was handed. Alas it was his tremendous good looks that saved me from wanting a full refund for the 136 minutes of my life wasted because my girlfriend was so effectively turned on just staring at his hotness (while ignoring the inane dialog he was forced to deliver) that the sex afterwards was even more spectacular than usual.

Hence, “The Holiday” musters one star instead of none.