My Family Recipe For Bible Bacon!

4 03 2009

So after perusing the Constitution and reflecting on the First Amendment and what a wonderful thing freedom of speech is…I turned to my Bible. Wouldn’t you know it, but my family recipe for Bacon was bookmarking a rather ironic pearl of divine wisdom.

“Nevertheless these ye shall not eat of them that chew the cud, or of them that divide the cloven hoof; as the camel, and the hare, and the coney: for they chew the cud, but divide not the hoof; therefore they are unclean unto you.

And the swine, because it divideth the hoof, yet cheweth not the cud, it is unclean unto you: ye shall not eat of their flesh, nor touch their dead carcase.”  -Deuteronomy 14:7-8.

Oh hell yeah…they’re talking about BACON!  I f’ing LOVE bacon!  But after a recent paper drive I’m fresh out of newsprint to sop up all that fresh hot bacon grease. God always rewards those who overcome and can improvise in a pinch, so…

p1040537-medium

A match made in heaven

p1040538-medium

Of course it magically opened to Deuteronomy 14!

p1040542-medium1

Mmmmm, you can just smell that crispy pork goodness.

Who knew the Bible could hold so much bacon at once?

Who knew the Bible could hold so much bacon at once?

But is the word of God strong AND absorbant?

But is the word of God strong AND absorbent?

Bible by Bounty

Gospel...The Quicker Picker Upper!

Bible Bacon for the WIN!

Bible Bacon for the WIN!

God was with me and he made sure that the book of Deuteronomy was there for me when I needed it the most.  Alas, the face of Mary did not grace the toast of my BLT but there was a greasy stain that kinda reminded me of Charles Darwin.  Weird huh?

Stay tuned and maybe next time we can read a passage or two from Genesis 38:9!

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17 responses

4 03 2009
aliaskim

I didn’t know how you were going to pull this off without being simply crass and offensive, but I should have learned by now not to underestimate your SJ’ness. You’ve done it again and my hat goes off to you. Illuminating, funny, subtly on-point, crass, offensive, and extremely greasy. If you haven’t already been smote I look forward to the post with you wiping your ass with the American flag and blowing your nose into any of Maya Angelou’s books. She’s a national treasure. And I suppose we can all guess what the secret ingredient is in your all-American apple Pie recipe. Yummmm!

Admiringly yours,
AK

4 03 2009
shocknetradio

Blessed are those who can make flat bacon and pig in a poke!
Your divinity moves me…and is making very hungry. Damn you!

RJ Evans
The “American Heathen®”

4 03 2009
SuperJesus

This bible bacon is so awesome I should sell some of it on eBay.

4 03 2009
Desiree Douglas

Super J ~ So lovely to hear from you. It’s been such a long time! Yes that mighty bacon looks good. Soaking the bullshit right out of that book? A couple of more rounds of bible bacon and I bet the whole book with be a giant grease pad. You bacon making heathen you! LOL!

4 03 2009
Sarah

And for it to happen during Meat Week nonetheless! This truly is a miracle.

4 03 2009
SuperJesus

If that isn’t a divine sign I don’t know what is.

4 03 2009
Bryan

The paper towel in picture 5 should be saved and encased in a time capsule. It appears to have a ‘Shroud of Turin’esqe appearance and could drive archeologists batty in a few thousand years. Bury it in the back yard in some cheap ‘made in China’ ceramic pottery and really blow their minds.

4 03 2009
The Beej

You’re like all the guys I dated in high school who made joints out of bible pages, just cuz it was so rebellious… I don’t really care for weed, but I do love bacon. So, in my mind, this is far more constructive rebellion.

4 03 2009
SuperJesus

I’m not much into weed either but that’s a cool idea just the same. Then again if I did bible weed and made bible bacon I’d probably put on 20 pounds in a week.

5 03 2009
Chris

If you look closely at the 5th panel, you can see Mary being divinely impregnated. Missionary position, of course.

5 03 2009
madmonq

Bacon is the only thing that’ll make the bible even remotely palatable. Ha!

10 03 2009
Paen

I hope you all know that we all are going to hell just for having looked at those pictures.
Ps.bring marshmellows.

10 03 2009
SuperJesus

Yeah, but let me tell you that was some damn good bacon.

11 03 2009
Chris

I already reserved my window seat. The landing should be quite remarkable.

11 03 2009
SuperJesus

And your in flight meal this evening: Super J’s special holy BLTs. Mmmmmm!

15 08 2009
The “Green” Bible « American Heathen®

[…] idea, I decided to do my part for the environment as well.  Although, not as delectable as “Bible Bacon” it will help me in my quest to go […]

15 08 2009
Another Fabulous Use Of The Bible « The Gospel of Super Jesus

[…] 15 08 2009 I am always looking for a legitimately good use of the Bible.  While the legend of Bible Bacon looms large and possibly the best use ever I must confess that The Green Bible from American Heathen […]

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