I Dominate Google Again! (almost)

31 03 2009

I was having a little breakfast for dinner and it occurred to me that I might have another “Super Jesus Domination of the Google”™ waiting out there for me.  I had to check immediately.

So I anxiously Google “Bible Bacon” and I anticipate the triumphant warmth to wash over me as I await to bask in the glory of my victor… WHAAA?!

#2   !?!?!

I am #2.  The first loser.  For the millions of people who daily Google “Bible Bacon” they will see “Francis Bacon and the James 1st Bible” first.  Oh the humiliation is almost more than I can bear.  Oh sure I get #1 for “Family Bible Bacon” but that seems little more than a plodding hollow victory.

Damn…so close!  How is it I can inadvertently own “clusterfuck to the poor house” (2 places above the Daily Show itself) but get a lousy second with crispy pork on a fresh Gideon?  I ask ya, what does a heathen have to do to get a #1 rating for Bible Bacon these days?





I Dominate Google!

31 03 2009

Well at least I’m the #1 search result if you Google “clusterfuck to the poor house”.  I know, I can’t figure that one out either.

I feel somehow honored.  Do I get a Google mug or something?

Fear my massive Google powers!

Fear my massive Google powers!





Exactly 250 Posts and 1,200 Comments

31 03 2009

That’s some kind of milestone I guess. Thanks to everyone for playing, I’m going to retire now while I’m at the top.





Texas BOE Introduces Punctuated De-Evolution

31 03 2009

On Friday the (don’t mess with) Texas Board of Edukashen…made a mess of Texas.  Board chair and dentist Don McLeroy and his six fundamentalist toadies managed to put another log on the fire they hope to someday burn the witch of evolution on.

In what must be a complete embarrassment to those Texans with even a passing understanding of science, the board managed to add loopholes to the Science and Biology standards to make it easy for creationist hacks to fill science textbooks with half truths and unmerited doubt.  This, despite a petition from 54 scientific and educational societies urging against any language that would misrepresent or undermine the accurate teaching of evolution.

While the creationist preferred attack phrase “strengths and weaknesses” was rejected, other artificial doubt inspiring language was introduced where no legitimate doubt currently exists.  Language such as “is thought to” or “proposed transitional fossils” has been added to intentionally misrepresent established evolutionary concepts to make them seem uncertain.

The new biology standard now includes the debunked creationist ideas that “sudden appearance” and “stasis” in the fossil record somehow disprove evolution.  The new standard also overtly implies doubt by directing students to “analyze and evaluate the sufficiency of scientific explanations concerning any data of sudden appearance, stasis and the sequential nature of groups in the fossil records.”

As dentist Don exclaimed “Somebody’s got to stand up to experts!”

Yeah, because we wouldn’t want people who actually know what they’re talking about teaching our kids would we now?

I guess there's a reason for this

I guess there's a good reason for this, huh?





Ad Makes Mac Users Froth Like An Over Priced Latte’

30 03 2009

So apparently this little ad is really pissing off the Mac fan boys out there.  The part that makes them the most apoplectic is when our intrepid shopper offhandedly quips “I guess I’m not cool enough to be a Mac person.”

You can hear foreheads hitting desks in graphic arts departments all over the country on that one.

Now to be clear, my little laptop is 6 years old with an AMD 64bit processor in it that I’m pretty sure is common in most microwave ovens by now.  But this p.o.s. machine keeps plucking along with XP-pro and it’s still quick enough to do everything I need to do.

Lately, however, I’ve been kicking around the idea of getting something new.  I have good friends who are new and very enthusiastic Mac converts who urge me to give the new line of Apple Macbooks a try.  After killing some time in the local Apple store I must confess that I really like the gesture functions of the multi-touch pad, and the solid aluminum design is pleasantly minimal and sturdy.

But the cost of entry for those features still seems absurd and prohibitive when a comparatively equipped PC is a fraction of the cost.

Now if were I to go out and buy a new PC today some of my Macified friends could aptly wield the bloatware Vista against me, except that I can easily install XP or Ubuntu on my new PC.  Hell, I’m even okay with waiting a few more months for Windows 7.  All said I’m competent enough with computers that I’m not that troubled by the OS wars.  All in all I’m just not yet convinced that a Mac is worth the extra money.

Now to get back to the ad, the people who love the Mac because it’s a better tool for the job they’re doing don’t care a whit about such marketing fluff, they just ignore it and keep doing their work. It’s the rest of the Mac fans out there that are all worked up. The ad (real or not) resonates with the common user because it points out the biggest problem for many of the most devout Mac faithful:

“You paid more just so you could look cool”.

The ad busts that bubble because nothing is less cool than looking like you’re a poseur who is actually trying to look cool by buying the newest “cool” gadget. And given the years of Mac/PC ads where Apple has strained to present themselves as the “cool” kid, this kind of calling out is blasphemy of the highest order causing people all over to whine that the ad is “offensive.”

Whatever.

Some of us don’t mind looking less cool if it means we can get our shit done just the same…but for less money.   I’d rather be smart than look cool any day.





I’m Sure He Put SOMETHING In You…

29 03 2009

…but I’m pretty damn sure it wasn’t rhythm.

Just a little something to get your Monday off to a fabulous start!





Global Climate Change? No Problem, God Will Fix That!

29 03 2009

I regularly blather on about how religion impedes rational thought, but I’m sure there are some moderates that still don’t believe me.  Obviously in these modern times such antiquated but quaint stories of love and redemption wouldn’t really impact current debates on important issues.  Right?  I mean that would be completely insane.  Right!?

From the March 25, 2009 hearing of the U.S. House Subcommittee on Energy and Environment.

There isn’t a face palm big enough to  express my exasperation at this sort of willful ignorance, not to mention the impact such thinking can have on the rest of us.  I just wonder when these people will wake up.

It cannot be soon enough.





U.N. Bans Mocking Stupid Asshat Religions

27 03 2009

Yesterday the most ironic proposal to ever come from a “Human Rights Council” sought legal protection for religion from criticism.  That’s right, the U.N.’s top human-rights body is asking states to provide “protection against acts of hatred, discrimination, intimidation and coercion resulting from defamation of religions and incitement to religious hatred in general.”

Who would be so absurd to push for such a preposterously stupid resolution? The bombastically ridiculous Muslims of course.

“Defamation of religions is the cause that leads to incitement to hatred, discrimination and violence toward their followers,” Pakistan’s ambassador Zamir Akram said.

“It is important to deal with the cause, rather than with the effects alone,” he said.

Of course ambassador Akram couldn’t be bothered to actually follow the causal link all the way back to the real root cause…the asshats who follow and perpetuate the violent ignorance of dark age religions like Islam and Christianity. That would make way too much sense.

Muslim nations went on to whine absurdly that religions, and in particular their especially backward religion of Islam, must be shielded from criticism in the media and other areas of public life.  Apparently even a cartoon of their Prophet Muhammad would upset their astonishingly frail minds.

“Islam is frequently and wrongly associated with human rights violations and terrorism”

Oh Islam, you ARE so funny aren’t you?

How about this?  …Fuck No!

When all you religious fundamentalists and zealots come to your senses and cease to mutter to yourselves plead and pray to your invisible gods we will then, and only then, stop making fun of you. Until such time you are the crazies those of us in the reality based world will attempt to rescue from your self inflicted delusions.  We will sometimes use humor and ridicule in the effort to point out how profoundly absurd your beliefs are.  Sadly, until you wake up you will probably be offended,but if it makes you feel any better we are ultimately doing it for your own good.  (Well, and ours too)

We can always use a few more rational thinkers, so join us, the logic is fine.

muhammad

…or not.





Texas BOE Narrowly Votes To Continue Evolving

26 03 2009

For those of you keeping score, according to the Texas BOE 70% of all Republicans are religious fundamentalists incapable of understanding basic evolutionary biology while 100% of Democrats (and thankfully 30% of Republicans) are scientifically enlightened enough to keep religious back wash out of Texas public schools.

According to the Dallas News Texas BOE board members deadlocked 7-7 on a motion to restore a long-time curriculum rule that “strengths and weaknesses” of all scientific theories – notably Charles Darwin’s theory of evolution – be taught in science classes and covered in textbooks for those subjects.

That’s not to suggest that Dentist Don McLeroy will be giving up his crusade to bring ignorance to the students of Texas. This was just a skirmish and I’m sure we have not heard the last of him and his gaggle of goose steppers for Jesus.

That said, a double extra bonus kick-ass kudos shout out goes to BOE member Mavis Knight of Dallas who, despite undergoing heart surgery in February, cast her vote by video conference from the state education service center in Richardson. We in the reality based community all owe you one for going the extra mile to keep reason and science undiluted in public schools. Very well done Madame!

evo2





Presidential Bitch Slap

25 03 2009

The most polite “shut the fuck up you ignorant hypocrite” ever delivered.

And THAT my friends is how it’s done.