Kirk Cameron, Just Too Stupid To Be An Atheist

17 02 2009

He tried, yes he really really tried.  Despite his best efforts he just wasn’t smart enough to grasp the simple evolutionary science of his high school biology class.  The basic concept of natural selection was way too complicated, I mean that shit sounded like he might have to read or study or something.  Kirk was way too cute to be wasting his time reading.  Yet to get his acting career really going he desperately wanted to be looked at as an intellectual, you know, because actors are usually so smart!

“I know!” he whimpered, “I’ll call my self an Atheist, then people will automatically think I’m smart!”  And it would have been the perfect plan if only Kirk had the vaguest idea that an Atheist generally understands the illogical suppositions of the superstitions he disregards.

Luckily for Kirk he found Christianity in the nick of time.  This was all new and different.  Heck, he didn’t even have to read the Bible if he didn’t want to because there were all sorts of people who would read it for him and tell him what it said!  It even came prepackaged with all sorts of simple and easy to understand answers for all of life’s complicated questions, all with none of the messy questions/hypothesis/testing that the evidence based world requires.

Where did the world come from?  God did it!  Where did all the animals and mankind come from?  God did it!  Where did the all the bananas we see in the grocery store that were genetically modified through hundreds of years of selective breeding for consistent flavor, superior shelf life, and beautiful color come from?  Um, well…God did that too!

See how easy it is!

And with everyone around you bleating the same answers you never have to feel exceptionally stupid again, because you appear to be exactly as stupid as everyone else!  For Kirk, it was the perfect solution.

Best of all, with no real acting skills he can now play dress up with his other friends and there is a waiting flock of sheep waiting to watch his “intellectual” musings.  I mean, sure, you’re not convincing anyone who doesn’t already believe the same thing you believe but we all understand that a guy has to make a living however he can.  Good luck with selling those pamphlets Kirk.

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29 responses

17 02 2009
Barbara

OMFSM, I should have put my coffee down BEFORE reading that…..hilarious…

17 02 2009
Personal Failure

My favoritest ever Kirk Cameron quote is when he said that, while “acting” on Growing Pains, he was “at the top of the ladder” career wise. Mind you, at that point Leonardo DiCaprio was also on Growing Pains. I’m expected to believe that what Cameron did on a stupid sitcom was far superior to DiCaprio’s subsequent career? What a tool!

17 02 2009
Greg

Kirk Cameron: The word “fucktard” immediately comes to mind whenever I hear his name.

4 03 2012
jesus polesmoking christ

Don’t hate on the boy. I suspect that the more he blabbers, the more folks see the light and use their bible to wipe their ass. While I advocate fleeing the church, I would recommend that they keep their bible as it is a great aid for masturbation with all the incest and whatnot that would still be helpful for the typical inbred christian.

17 02 2009
madmonq

So long as he keeps the “Left Behind” series going, he’s OK in my good book

17 02 2009
Barbara

He’s moved on from Left Behind…they ran out of story line. Now he’s doing movies to save marriages. 😉 And as the Christian radio station I lflipped through was saying this weekend, he’s an important voice in stopping the persectution of Christians in this country. LOL

17 02 2009
SuperJesus

@PF: What Kirk meant to say is that he was at the top of his ladder. Sadly he didn’t notice it was really just a step stool.

Good for you Kirk!

17 02 2009
Ektachrome

Cameron was recently (December 2008 ) in Pensacola, Florida where he appeared at Marcus Pointe Baptist Church. This church is pastored by Gordon Godfrey, a pastor known in Pensacola for putting up anti-gay billboards, advocating violence at abortion clinics and his conviction for deer-hunting in Wisconsin without a license. If I were Kirk, I’d do a little research before I appeared in a redneck-cracker house like Marcus Pointe.

Kirk Cameron is just another example Christians making it easy for atheists.

17 02 2009
Chris

Sounds like an intellectual dynamo there. Didn’t bother reading the Bible OR pay attention to High School biology class.
You hit the nail on the head with your sheep reference.

17 02 2009
madmonq

Moved on from the “Left Behind” series? He’s dead to me now.

17 02 2009
Paen

Sounds like he has a room temperature I.Q.(celcius)

17 02 2009
Barbara

@ madmong
He’ll be crushed…. What will he do with his pent up feelings for you now or was it your pent up feelings for him?

17 02 2009
Paen

Sounds like kirk has a room temperature I.Q.(celcius)

17 02 2009
Chris

Sounds like someone likes to see their own posts.

18 02 2009
Paen

Excuse me that wasn’t deliberate.If there is a way to screw up a post I will find it.

16 03 2009
B

oh, this poor, confused lad.

There is NO difference between Kirk Cameron and Tom Cruise.

22 08 2009
Guest

He used to have a website that I visited once. I fo rmyself believe in God, but I thought the homepage was satire…and found it HILARIOUS!! Seriously, I laughed off my acorns. But now I suppose he didn’t mean it all that funny…does anybody know the website? I’d like to watch it again, but I can’t remember what it was called. You could click on subjects like “hell” or “evolution” and he would pop up and tell you something about it. It was so friggin’ funny! Too bad he was serious…or even more funny! Extremists…you have to love ’em 😀

7 01 2011
Satan

I like him 🙂
He keeps the dumb ones dumb.

15 02 2011
Aaron

The best thing he ever did to prove his stupidity was the crocoduck!

15 02 2011
Aaron

Everyone should go to youtube and watch Kirk Cameron and Crocoduck, its one of the funniest things you will ever see! 😀

5 02 2012
Hollander

Wow even the video player was lying. It jumps from 1:51 seconds to 1:53…

5 03 2012
Mario

Should we just parrot the arguments of other Christians like you. What if my life is not a constant argument, like yours? What if it’s an experience that I approach with an open mind? You wouldn’t know. You’ve gone from a bitter neurotic (at least you were smart enough to realize that you weren’t the center of the universe), to a bitter atheist (because God didn’t make you the center of the universe), to a bitter christian (Ah… back to being the center of the universe, damn it!). You’re problem isn’t what you believe, it’s how you believe.

23 03 2012
11 internet login

Hiya, Just a heads up that when I come to the homepage I am send straight to this comment page, I’m not sure why but thought you would like to know Especially on the home page) Best wishes

24 03 2012
SuperJesus

That’s weird. It seems to work okay for me. Let me know if you can provide additional information about the problem like the browser/version you’re using and the exact URL you’re visiting. Thanks!

20 04 2012
Shan

http://wayofthemaster.com/

Scary to say the least.

23 03 2013
Angela

Keep thinking that. Why so disrespectful? I happen to think he is very smart.

23 03 2013
SuperJesus

I’m disrespectful because his beliefs are so ridiculous and show that he has very little in the way of critical thinking skills…since you asked.

24 08 2014
Kristina

I have respect for Kirk. I believe in his turn over to the Lord. Of course it meant he had to leave some of Hollywoods kind of movies, and I respect him for that as well. I do not in anyway think he is stupid, I think he was awaken from that sleep that some cannot seem to wake from. Everyone has their right to have their own opinion, but I think if you pick up the good word of God and study it, and then turn on the news, your going to find out soon that he is not crazy after all, but a Child of Gods. I look forward to meeting my brother in Christ one day. So I guess if that makes me crazy, then put a check mark up next to my name and add me to the stupid. I love the Lord.

24 08 2014
SuperJesus

Here you go. *check*

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