God Laughs As Kurt Warner FAILS!

1 02 2009

Football phenom and all around annoying Christian praise fountain Kurt Warner found that all his incessant praying and props to God was all for naught.

In a post game interview God said that he just wanted to screw with Warner because he was getting cocky and frankly He was getting annoyed with all the gratuitous references.

“Kurt’s not my BFF despite what he keeps telling everyone. To be honest (and what else can I be) he’s kind of a tool.” the Almighty was heard to intone from a magically burning bowl of nachos.

“Besides”, God commanded, “I’m more of a UFC guy myself. All those men in pads and helmets are pussies.”

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12 responses

1 02 2009
American Heartland Bar and Grill

Actually, it was the Arizona defense who failed.

2 02 2009
SuperJesus

Little known secret…while Arizona defense had a prayer circle before the game the Steelers offense had a full on ceremonial offering where they killed a sweet adorable fuzzy little kitten before the game to prove they were the more worthy warriors. Rothlesburger had the still warm corpse of the offered feline tucked in his helmet for good measure.

God likes to see that level of commitment from His followers. That was good for one free TD bitches!

2 02 2009
Personal Failure

“we were doing great- until jesus made me fumble!”

2 02 2009
Paen

Actualy God hates football and prefers hockey.

3 02 2009
Chris

What does God say about people that claim God saved them, but not the 300 others that died in a tragic accident?

3 02 2009
SuperJesus

God says “I know, I should have saved all those people. My bad. In my defense I was pooping and couldn’t save all those other people because I really had to focus on grunting an especially corny log out. It was hell.”

No really, he said that too.

4 02 2009
Chris

Can god make a poop so big even he can’t log it out?

4 02 2009
SuperJesus

Excellent! A theological conundrum that is far more offensive than the tired old “Can God make a rock so big even he cannot lift it?”.

I am Super Jesus and I approve of the above post.

5 02 2009
Barbara

You have been promoted to approving poop posts! LOL

5 02 2009
Chris

On a serious note. Posit that God exists and he created the known universe. We can assume he either is larger than the known universe, or has more power than it. From that assumption, can we not assume a rock he creates would be far larger than anything we can humanly comprehend and therefore make the question moot?
I’ve always had issues with this conundrum.

5 02 2009
SuperJesus

It matters not if we can comprehend it. We can (apparently) comprehend God so we can comprehend God making a rock too big for him to lift.

Hey, I know the argument is totally silly, that’s the point. Actually, I will make a proper blog post and see if we can bait a few of the faithful over to debate it. Weeee!!!

28 04 2009
correctmyreligion

I would be interested in your opinion on this post…

http://correctmyreligion.wordpress.com/2009/04/28/mma-ufc-gay-porn/

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