McCain: Fear Your Redneck Base

15 09 2008

If you look at a graph of the presidential polls you can see what appears to be a hockey stick that bends northward at the moment the McCain campaign added everyone’s favorite uber-conservative hockey Mom Sarah Palin to the ticket.  Certainly Palin’s presidential shortcomings are monumental but I’m confident that won’t stop this great American public from voting them into power given enough repetitions of “9-11” and “terror”.  Even so, in the grander scheme of things I suggest it was a horrible miscalculation on McCain’s part.

So everybody already knows Obama is in the cross hairs of every ignorant bigoted redneck asshat who has been told that the Bible says it’s okay to hate “coloreds”.  But if McCain makes it to the White House he may find that this same Bible slinging / Big Gulp® drinking / NASCAR watching constituency will be contemplating training their favorite moose weapon on him as well.  Why?  Because the redneck base frankly HATE John McCain but they fucking LOVE Sarah Palin.  They love the way she looks, they love the way she talks, the way she smells, the way she doesn’t think, and…um…the way she looks.  They know she’s the kind of woman who leaves all that elitist deliberatin’ aside and is a woman (a fucking hot woman) who follows her gut.

Who needs a dried up old maverick who talks conservative policies when they can have a bonafied MILF who gets up every morning, goes to church, and then kills some endangered owls and eats them with policies straight from Rush “Fuckin’-A” Limbaugh drizzled on top for breakfast.  Shit, just because they can’t read doesn’t mean they can’t have some naughty librarian fantasies getting their hockey sticks up.  Hell yeah!

Watch your back John because five years of Charlie jingling his keys ain’t nothin’ compared to the deliverance waiting for you if you’re the only thing standing between the Righteous Wing and their pinup girl being in charge.  Welcome to hell, Alaska style.

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2 responses

15 09 2008
Tony Riga

Thanks for your analysis of the lady in red. I agree that presidential elections are decided by an ignorant vote because of all the ignorant voters in our fair land. It’s as old fashioned as a high school prom! I guess television doesn’t teach as much as they said it would when they invented it. I want to comment on just one thing on your blog. I can’t tally just how many civilian/soon to be voters have actually gotten a whiff of her. You mentioned her smell as being pleasing to the public but only a handful of handlers,reporters with mics in hand and of course her Republican family can really smell her up close. I can only imagine what bouquet is wafting from her rigid (and I don’t mean the tool calendar type) body. I played ice hockey up through early college, sometimes skating four to five times a week. The acrid smell of those elbow pads, never given the chance to air out enough, oh my GOD!

15 09 2008
SuperJesus

That wafting haze rising up from her nether region, my friend, is the smell of salvation. When Sarah tells you she want’s you to “speak in tongues” you should know that she isn’t just asking you to speak that Pentecostal heavenly language.

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